To Swing or not to Swing

In a reply to a post I made I received a request for more ideas on how to get a woman to be open to her husbands fantasies.  I found in rather ironic that the sender and I are in many ways trying to accomplish the same thing.  You see I am not new to swinging but my fiance is and while she is aware of my past she as yet has not opted for us to reenter the lifestyle.   I desire to swing again and still keep in loose contact with some of the people I was involved with so I have to ask myself the same question I was asked to help with, how do I get my partner to enter the swinging lifestyle?

The first thing that has to be acknowledged is that you can’t make her want to, if you truly love her you wouldn’t want to anyway.  Let’s face it sex is a lot more fun with a partner who sees it as a joy rather than an obligation.  It has to be viewed as a chance for both of you to explore and enjoy a greater diversity in your sex life not just a chance for you to go out and score some new tail.  Guys I’m gonna be blunt here but swinging is about her not you, if you and your partner do enter the lifestyle you may have the privilege of having sex with another man’s most dear treasure and you had better see it that way because that is how your’s should be treated as well.  You are asking her to separate love and sex emotional connection and for some women this is tough, for others impossible.  For men it is fairly easy to make the separation, the culture many of us grew up in makes it easy but for women society isn’t so forgiving.  Think about it, a man that has sex with many women is a stud but a woman that has sex with many men is a tramp, so much for sexual equality.  It’s one of the things that led to my own divorce,  there were others but her inability and my lack of understanding to separate love/sex built too much strain on our marriage.  While it’s hard, before you can go very far with your exploration of swinging you first need to have a very, very firm foundation of trust and communication.  If you can’t talk openly with your spouse about your interest in swinging then you have a lot of work to do before you can hope to have a happy relationship in swinging.

All of this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t pursue swinging with your partner but just a warning that unless the foundation is there swinging can be a quick road to relationship disaster.

If your still with me so far then you and your partner might be to start talking about swinging.  The best advise I can give at this point is talk to her about you fantasies and LISTEN to hers.  This is best done with no cloths on as part of foreplay, first both of your inhibitions will be lower and second it will probably get you both hotter than you have been in a long time and she won’t forget it.  Don’t talk about swinging at this point just fantasies, many women really deep down would love to have sex with two or more men at the same time or sex with different types of men but fear being seen as a tramp for it, this can be a great place to open her mind a little.  Remember it’s all about her, in the long run you’ll get yours if you remember to keep her first.  When has gotten a little more comfortable with the idea of being ok to desire things that are a little more out of the sexual “norm” then you can introduce the idea of there being a community where that kind of thinking is not only common but encouraged.  Hope it helps, I’ll keep everyone updated as I see for myself.

Is swinging about fulfilling the fantasies of a husband or a wife?  Maybe it’s about the fantasies of a couple who’s marriage has become stale.  Whatever the case the truth is that the swinging lifestyle is a wonderful place for many people to explore the parts of there sexual life that most people deny themselves.  How many men have dreamed having there loving wife caress them in bed and suddenly feel the touch of another woman’s lips on there flesh.  Or the wife that would never cheat on her husband but for years has secretly yearned to be possessed by another man, or woman for that matter.  The point is that everyone has desires that they consider to “dirty” for anyone to understand.  Within the swinging lifestyle are the means to explore a person’s inner most fantasies.

Within society there are many norms that frame our expectations of how people are supposed to behave in the public and private lives.  Men are supposed to be strong and in charge, even more troubling is the expectations that are placed on the lives of women.  They are expected to be the dutiful wife, the PTA mom, submissive, content within the lives provided them.  In the past 30 years many of these preconceived notions have been challenged however the expectations and double standards concerning men and women when it comes to there sex lives are alive and well.  A man that is very promiscuous is a stud yet a woman that would act in the same manner is a slut, or worse.  The simple truth is that both men and women have sexual fantasies, some should never be more than that due to potential hazards but many others can be explored within a safe environment.

What are your fantasies?  Are you a woman who wants to know the feeling of being a living sex toy for half a dozen men as they fill every opening in your body with their cum.  Feeling totally possessed by the passions of your body.  Are you a man that desires to be tied to a bed and a woman to spend hours seeing how many ways she can keep you hard without allowing you to cum.  Maybe your a husband and wife that both secretly desire to eat the same pussy or cock at the same time.  Point is most sexual fantasies are not only normal but healthy and while some should never be more that a fantasy many can be safely and happily explored with open and honest communication.  The swinging lifestyle is a community of people that not only accept the fact that we all have fantasies but embraces the fact and provides a healthy and safe outlet for couples and individuals to explore their “naughty” side.

Since starting this Blog I have given a lot more thought to why it is important to me.  For too many years I spent my life as an introvert.  My ex-wife and I were married at a very young age and our lives centered on keeping a roof over our heads and a little food on the table.  As years passed we grew and matured into much different people, I came from a very sexually open family that could discuss matters of sex and relationships openly.  My wife had the completely opposite upbringing in which issues of relationships and particularly sexuality were buried.  As time went on these differences undermined our marriage severely.  The requirements of finance pushed me to focus almost completely on working feeding my introvert nature even more.  I didn’t socialize with people I worked with and I worked all the time.

Over time this pattern developed a lot of resentment toward my family and primarily toward my wife  who made our children and there activities the focus of her life.  At some point she finally gave up on out marriage and began to seek relationships outside of ours.  While I never had an affair of any kind I imagine it could be said that I wasn’t always faithful to her because my lack of presence.  In time she came clean about her affairs and we agreed to try again and swinging became our social and sexual outlet of exploration.  In retrospect I can say that swinging is not the place to bring a bad marriage, while it’s certainly not the reason things didn’t work, in time it led to our demise because she developed a wandering eye and started playing behind my back.

All of this said I still desire to be in the lifestyle, it has been one place in my personal life that I have found true freedom and enjoyment.  I have met some of my best friends through swinging.  It is a place where I have been able to set aside my nature for solitude and engage in life with other people.  My sexually open upbringing has equipped me well emotionally to enjoy all that the lifestyle has to offer.

So why is the Swinging Lifestyle so important to me?  It is a place where it is possible for a couple to explore there sexual appetites and tastes while being able to be open and honest with there partner.  A place where people of a like mind can meet one another and share there interests, both of a sexual and non sexual nature.

Ok so here it is, the question of the day is to Swing or not to Swing.  First a little back ground, I am not new to the world of swinging.  My ex-wife and I were involved in the swinging lifestyle and before you ask no it was not swinging that caused or ultimate demise.  Swinging was more of a last ditch effort to resurrect a marriage that had been dead for a long time.

The fact is now I have experienced the lifestyle and enjoyed it very much, and not just the sex.  I have had the pleasure of meeting some great friends that I enjoyed spending time with both in and out of cloths.  I enjoyed the openness of the friendships, if you spend time with people without cloths on you really do get to see who they really are and I liked the vast majority of people I met.

Now I am engaged to be married and would like to share the lifestyle with her.  She does already know of my experience and has on occasion asked me questions about it.  We have talked about our fantasies including the thought of a three or four-way and her interest in exploring bi-sexuality.  Sounds like a perfect situation right, well theres a wrinkle, theres always a wrinkle isn’t there.  She has also been married before but hers ended with a husband that cheated on her which has left her with some serious trust issues particularly in the area of sexual behavior.

I should also include that my interest in re-entering the swinging life is not simply to have sex with all kinds of different women, for me personally I got much more enjoyment from gaining a number of friends while actually only having sex with a handful of special ones.  Very few of the people that I met were actually the type that just wanted tons and tons of sex, most were like me and wanted one or two special friends to share there sexual adventures with.

The challenge is how do I first of all et her to understand why the lifestyle is important to me and second how can I get her to join me in it so we can share it together, and no I will not even consider re-entering with out her being there with me.  I completely believe that it should enhance a couples relationship not undermine it.  We have even discussed of “terms” of re-entering.  We have come to the conclusion that we would really like to be involved in adding a sexual partner or two with us rather than having sex with separate partners, as we put it, it’s better to add than to divide.